There’s a story about the chaotic problem child; the careless spender, the unsettled thrill-seeking spirit, living life on the edge. The spoiled teenage girl, or the boy you’d never let near your daughter. The one that got lost in the wild. The one that drowned his troubles and insecurities inside the bottle always seemed to be living the time of his life. “You Only Live Once (YOLO)” is his mantra.
The wild one wasn’t the brightest in school, and rules weren’t his cup of tea. He never wanted to be bound by social constructs that suffocate and drain the life out of the conformists. He wouldn’t follow the conventional path of going to school, getting good grades, then grinding away in some small office cubicle, working for an ungrateful boss for low pay. The wild one just wanted to be free. Even the thought of settling down with a single woman to start a family seemed like a prison sentence.
However, there is a certain emptiness that comes with always chasing the next high, indulging in superficial pleasures, and living a life without direction, without genuine long-term goals. An emptiness that hit hard at 8 o’clock when the beer wore off. Life is reduced to a summation of how much pleasure you can gain or pain you can evade. However, there’s an existential hollowness that no amount of pleasure can fill.
But there’s also the story of the conservative good child who relished the indoors; the mummy’s boy or Daddy’s girl. Personal time was his sanctuary, the small circle of friends was all he needed. He never fancied the excitement in the bottle or the pleasure in a smoke. The good child never played outside; He was always too busy being the perfect child.
He deprived himself of the thrill of adventure. The good child never wandered off from under his mother’s wing, and never broke a single rule. Much as he enjoyed the comfort and safety of his father’s home, it always felt like something was missing. The yearning for the outdoors, the call to adventure. He too would want to have stories of drinking until he lost his senses, dancing all night under the moonlight.
However, the good child couldn’t tell whether he genuinely craved the outdoors, or was just insecure about what he thought people thought about him; That he was bored or had no life beyond the confines of his father’s home. He couldn’t tell whether his preference for the indoors was because of a fear of the wilderness or he was just genuinely different.
Perhaps his unfulfillment stemmed from a fear of missing out on what all his other peers (cool kids) were doing, rather than genuine interest. There was no glory in being the church-going mummy’s boy or Daddy’s girl. It was the rebellious ones who seemed cool and happy.
The good child even started questioning the motives behind his character; whether his goodness was genuine, or was it because he craved his parent’s approval, or dreaded their disapproval?
Was the good child missing out or was he simply giving in to his insecurities?
Were the outdoors really as thrilling, or was the idea of being outdoors what the wild one sought? Was it partly that the wild one sought fulfillment from being seen outdoors, being seen happy? At some point the line between making people think you’re happy and being happy becomes blurry.
What if the good child’s small world was enough for him,
Did it have enough people and experiences? Is it that the more the experiences, the merrier, or did he find depth in the few experiences that sparked his interest and fueled his enthusiasm? Was he lonely, or did he find richness in the small circle of people he truly cherished? Was his world enough?
It could be that his world was enough for him, and the unfulfillment stemmed from him thinking that people thought that he was unhappy or lonely. After all, the happy one seemed to be the wild one who traveled the world and made acquaintances with everyone who crossed his path. At least that’s what he thought everyone else thought.
But what if all that was a consolation and the good child was unknowingly chained to his comfort zone? What if there was indeed a whole other world out there he was missing out on?
There’s also the fact that we are finite beings with a limited amount of energy and time. We cannot be it all or do it all, we can only be so much. Should we then exhaust our energy stretching our wings and scouring the world, or should we find and focus on what’s truly important to us; Focussing on the things we deeply value and the people that matter?
The answer lies somewhere between both extremes. At one extreme is one who’s restricted to their small world and missing out on the rest of the world. At the other extreme is one aimlessly roaming around, the vast number of superficial experiences that lack real depth. The good child didn’t error when he chose to focus on the things that truly mattered to him. However, the fact is that there was a whole other world out there to see; unique people, new experiences, an adventure.
It’s necessary to find and hold on to the things he held dear, it was also necessary to let go sometimes and step into the wilderness. Pushing the boundaries ever so slightly and leaping into the unknown. That’s how you grow and evolve, that’s how you gain new experiences and fresh perspectives.
The good child had to embrace himself while reaching out and channeling his wild side every once in a while.
