In his book “seven habits of highly effective people”, Stephen Covey writes about ‘the center’, the core where our most basic paradigms originate. What a person has at their center dictates their personalities, molds their characters and governs their perceptions of reality. It’s what guides their goals, ambitions and values. It’s their source of self-esteem, self-worth and identity. What then do different people have at their center and how does it affect their quality of life?
Possession centered people are those obsessed with what they possess. Sometimes its tangible things like houses, cars, the latest fashion trends, other times its intangible things like glory, fame, special abilities or social prominence. Such people derive a sense of self-worth from the possessions they have. They are very defensive, insecure and competitive to the point that when in presence of someone of a lower status, they get a sense of superiority, but when in the presence of a person of higher status, they feel belittled. To the possession centered, what they have and how it makes them look is their identity. At some point it even becomes about what they look like they have. They go through great lengths to acquire possessions that will elevate their social status, at times possessions they can’t even afford and in most cases possessions that they don’t even need. When all else fails, they can even reach an extent of lying to others about what they actually have because to them it’s how people look at them that matters the most. such people only find happiness amidst the praise from other people, but in solitude, they are saddened by the falsehood in their actual lives.
Pleasure centered living is more common among the younger generation. Pleasure is the most superficial form of life satisfaction. The younger generation is most susceptible because crave instant gratification. However, tempting as it is, pleasure has no deep lasting fulfilment. They are bored after each successive level of ‘fun’ and always seek for a higher one. Next new pleasure has to be more exciting than the last. The excessive undisciplined leisure leads to lethargy in doing the more meaningful things in life. They gradually waste away their talents and potentials. To the pleasure centered, sometimes the idea of ‘fun’ is what they seek but no longer actually find that particular act as fulfilling. Telling everyone how cool the party was or how intoxicated they were is what they find fulfilling rather than the act itself. Showing everyone else how awesome their lives are being more satisfying
The self-centered people are narcissistic. Their perspective of life is how profitable an act is to particularly them or it’s not worth their while. They are willing to violate other people for their own gains for they are always looking out for “number 1”. Such people rarely find joy in the success of others for it feels like it undermines their own success in some way because to them, identity is based on how much they stand out as unique and special in any way. Their insatiable craving for attention and relevance makes them needy and unstable. They are seldom able to form deep meaningful relationships because they are unable to sacrifice for another, they are unable to love without an ulterior motive, they are unable to give without receiving. Such people often ask “what’s in it for me”.
That is how someone’s center subconsciously governs their personalities. There is nothing wrong with a pursuit for wealth, possession, pleasure or even focusing on oneself every once a while, but none of them should be one’s central focus in life. They are all secondary and can each be aligned with one’s core principles. Pursuit of wealth can be motivated by an effort to provide for loved ones or contribute to society, pleasure can be a way to make and reinforce meaningful relationships with the people we love and focusing on oneself can be used for self-evaluation and personal growth.
The point is, its key to live a life centered with deeper core principles which vary from person to person. LOVE, TRUTH, HONESTY, AUTHENTICITY, FAITH. Such principles are aligned with our true human nature and are what bring long lasting fulfilment. Such principles give you a clearer perspective of life unbiased by external factors like other people’s standards. That is how you then establish what really genuinely matters to you and that is how an authentic personality manifests. You know your self-worth doesn’t depend on your possessions or social status but on those unchanging principles. Life becomes the journey of constantly striving towards the person you envision and every failure a learning opportunity that all contribute to the beautiful experience which is life.
